Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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