i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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