Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
