why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
