She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
