Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
