they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
