I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
