I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
How does one acquire holy water?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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