jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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