just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
