Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
