I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
