i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
