Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
