I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
