Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
