P.S. I can't hear my feet
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize