The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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