At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
