It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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