Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
