Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Randomize