the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
