you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
