Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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