Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
