I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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