I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize