So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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