just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
