I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
