Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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