Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
