the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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