I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just gargled with NyQuil
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
