Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
