i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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