come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My vagina just recognized that song.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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