Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
