"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
