so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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