he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
