Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
