every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
