piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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