I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
