her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
In America we eat man semen.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
