Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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