i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
