I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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