never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
