He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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