He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
