meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
