You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
