We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
