He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
