Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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