so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
