After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
