Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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