Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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