I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You did what with his pubic hair?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize