I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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