it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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