ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize