my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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