The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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