The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
