I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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