I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I supernannyed him into submission
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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