just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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