we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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