I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
