you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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