Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
