i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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