i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
