it wasn't lemon gatorade
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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