I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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