I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
