i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
