you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
