he thought i was a dude.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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