Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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