My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i think im in europe. pls send help
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