His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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