Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
