i don't like sucking hair
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
