D3 body, D1 cock
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My dick has a subreddit
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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