It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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