I wish I only lived at night.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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