Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
