Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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